turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love you.
Bad choice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
