You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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