You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
