Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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