I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
