Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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