He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize