Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
