I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
