ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
