you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
