Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
