before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
