If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize