my sisters under your porch take her home
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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