my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
