guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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