yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
