Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
