I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
