Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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