An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
