Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
