Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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