The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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