I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
