I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
