alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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