I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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