if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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