Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
