I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You've changed since you got that strap on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
