The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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