So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize