I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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