oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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