have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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