I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
