i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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