I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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