like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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