don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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