I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
