The police scanner is talking about you again....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize