i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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