Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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