matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
