He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
