I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
