jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
