I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
