She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
