well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize