Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
