a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize