I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
