No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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