So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
