god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
