And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
