I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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