Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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