guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
