Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
