Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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