FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
