That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
