One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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