Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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