I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
