Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
