he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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