The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
