God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
