He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
