Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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