can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
