apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
