you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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