My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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