Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
