phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
