So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize