I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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