Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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