im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
