just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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