I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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