operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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