all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
