I heard we made out
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
