He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
