Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
