i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
