I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
