I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
