I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
