Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
