my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
