R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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