I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
