We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
MIDGETS
????
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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