she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
