I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
