This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
