Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize