I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
