Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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