I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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