I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
