shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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