I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
