Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Even my vagina gasped.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
