I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
